I'm slacking on the de-cluttering. This week I've started a new job, re-started an old job (bringing the job count up to 3 - each of which is like 8 hours a week...I should de-clutter my jobs!), started Levi in daycare, enjoyed 75 degree weather in Chicago in March, and made an amazing steak dinner using this recipe. Do I get a pass? I'm ahead of my 40 bag goal. And I'm planning on spending this weekend clearing out the garage, which will more than make up for this week's craziness. I do expect to get rid of some stuff tomorrow, as I have half the day off. Whew.
Oh yeah, and I did my March Madness bracket. A bit of history: I know exactly zero about March Madness, but a few years ago, I wanted to participate, so I made a bracket based on which mascots would win in a fight. This has continued for the past 6 years, and as always, I will do the same. Here's how I see the tournament going:
In the south, The Witchita State Shockers dominate, because frankly, you can shock a lot of things, including Hoosiers (who beat Aggies because I feel like it, and no one knows what either actually are) and Kentucky Wildcats, who don't really understand electricity. Speaking of Wildcats, they'll go to the Sweet Sixteen by trouncing the Hilltoppers in the first round (mostly by biting), and some other UConn Wildcats in the second. How does one determine which wildcat wins? Wildcats are native to Kentucky, but I'm pretty sure they're not hanging around Connecticut. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Highlights from the rest of the south: the Duke Blue Devils will join the Shockers in the Elite Eight, because Satan is pretty powerful, even over worthy foes such as Mountain Hawks and the Irish (who, as we know, rarely conquer the devil that is whiskey, yet can beat the Musketeers because there's only 3 of them). The Devils will have a good fight with the Baylor Bears, who have God on their side, but they are ultimately just Bears, and the Bible doesn't really address whether Bears truly have souls. The Bears start out the tournament by beating the Jackrabbits for obvious reasons, while the Rebels will beat the Buffalo, because that's what happened during the 19th century. The Rebels will, of course, be torn limb to limb by the Bears. In the final epic battle between the Blue Devils and the Shockers, we learn that the Blue Devils are ultimately a hologram meant to frighten (a la the Wizard of Oz), and the Shockers will simply turn off the lights, making the Final Four.
Meanwhile, in the East, the competition heats up when, in a series of upsets, the Syracuse Orange beats a Bulldog, who didn't realize that his color blindness was his downfall, the USM Golden Eagle defecates on the Wildcats, blinding them, and the Commadores, using their skills learned while on tour doing early 80s R&B, overcome the Crimson, a color which is not appropriate for spring fashion. Elsewhere in the East, the Badgers are dominating because frankly, they don't give a shit. Not about R&B, and not about Golden Eagles, who beat the Orange with their keen eyesight. Also, Orange is a color, and I can't see many ways that a color can win a fight.
The Bearcats also dominate because if Bearcats really existed, that would be super cool. They'd be fast like cats, and scary like bears. A Bearcat could easily overcome a Ram or a Seminole. Side note: I have no clue what a Bonnie is, but I'm pretty sure an Indian could take one out. Meanwhile, the Ohio State Buckeyes are choking everything in their path, from Mountaineers (who can easily outlast Bulldogs, who have a shortened snout and are prone to breathing problems when climbing mountains) to Greyhounds. However, like my cats, the Bearcats would rather bat around the small, round Buckeyes than attempt to eat them, effectively shoving them under the TV stand where no one ever hears from them again. In an epic showdown, the Bearcats then face the Badgers. As internet nerds hold up pictures of the Badger's pom squad (the honeys), the Bearcats realize that the Badgers don't give a shit that Bearcats are awesome, and thus lose in a truly psychological battle. Know your (Honeybadger) meme.
Out West, Spartans are dominating everywhere, as both Michigan State and Norfolk enjoy a series of wins, realizing their no-frills lifestyle prepares them well for battle. Michigan Spartans eat the blackbirds (in a pie, like the nursery rhyme), and spear the Tigers (who have recently destroyed Billikens...WTF is a Billiken?). They then face the Lobos (another shout out to 80s music - Los Lobos) who appear to be wolves and i'm pretty sure that historically speaking, Sparta did good job of beating down wolves. The Lobos were pretty tired anyway, having taken out some Wildcats and 49ers, who were frankly underprepared to do anything but pan for gold. I panned for gold on vacation once, it's not as fun as it sounds.
On their way to facing Norfolk, UVA wins out over Florida. Although UVA is the Cavaliers, as in horse-riders, I choose to imagine them as Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. Cute, right? They beat out the Gators because the game takes place in Phoenix, and Gators don't thrive in that climate. Unfortunately, the Spartans have no use for small, adorable, useless puppies. The Murray State Racers easily outpace their opponents (Rams, Eagles) including the UVA Spartans, who have no horses due to their minimalist lifestyle, and simply can't keep up. The Michigan State Spartans, however, have recently realized the advantages of owning horses, and are able to keep up with Murray State, fueled by Blackbird pie, and are victorious.
While all this is going on, there are some pretty epic battles in the Midwest. The Blue Jays sail over the Crimson Tide, and the Tarheels outrun the Catamounts (seriously, who comes up with these things?). The Wolverines, as awesome as their name suggests, beat out the Wildcats and the Owls (who trumped the Bulls in a nighttime showdown). Meanwhile, the Azteks and Titans are dominating, The Azteks come out ahead of the Boilermakers, who narrowly beat the Gaels (a team that nearly won based on the fact that they share a name with my street). The Titans are able to squeak by a Wolfpack and some Bears (who again beat a Bulldog - this is a fairly common matchup over the years). When it comes down to the Titans and Azteks, the Titans win out because they just sound fiercer.
So we're down to the final four. The Badgers and Titans both fight bravely, but ultimately the Badgers overcome. I base this on my slightly irrational fear of badgers, having read On The Banks Of Plum Creek as a child, where Laura is unreasonably frightened of a badger. During the other game, the Spartans and the Shockers face off, a match up that proves to be one sided as the Spartans have no idea how to utilize electricity, and are quickly shocked to death or loss or whatever happens in these matchups.
In the final game, the Badgers and Shockers are matched up. While one may initially think that the Shockers would employ their usual shocking tactics, they forgot one important detail: Badgers don't care. They cannot be shocked. And so, the Badgers win the 2012 March Madness tournament of Mascots.
My complete bracket can be seen here: http://apps.facebook.com/cbssports/brackets/64600515/1
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