Tomorrow is a big day for me....I go back to work! Just for a couple hours, but it's a step in the right direction. :)
I'm doing much better, overall. Keeping liquids down, some solids, and BABY is doing well. Heartbeat of 168!
There's still "concern" over my weight (still going down, but more slowly). Apparently my home health nurse keeps threatening to call my doctor. My doctor doesn't really seem to care. Whatev.
So that's what's new. I'm tired of sticking myself with needles, but otherwise good.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Back on (and off) the juice
As of yesterday, I am 10 weeks pregnant!
I spent last Sunday night in the ER, getting more fluids, and the entire week on home IVs, again. Luckily, after going off the IVs (doctor recommended this time...), I am doing much better. Keeping down fluids, and a little food. I'm even able to sit upright for brief periods of time.
Now the big problem: I'm BORED. Going in the car makes me vom, and driving is out of the question (it took one day of driving down the street and vomiting to nix that idea). I nap at least once a day, but TV is boring, the internet is boring, and it all makes me dizzy. So I spend a lot of time just lying down with my eyes closed. Yay. My day is then broken up by showering (an hour long adventure that involves lying down afterwards), and attempts to eat. Seriously, a month ago I was working, running my etsy shop, hanging out with friends....sigh. Now I'm down 20 pounds and stuck in my house, too weak to really do anything.
This is not forever.
This is not forever.
This is not forever.
I spent last Sunday night in the ER, getting more fluids, and the entire week on home IVs, again. Luckily, after going off the IVs (doctor recommended this time...), I am doing much better. Keeping down fluids, and a little food. I'm even able to sit upright for brief periods of time.
Now the big problem: I'm BORED. Going in the car makes me vom, and driving is out of the question (it took one day of driving down the street and vomiting to nix that idea). I nap at least once a day, but TV is boring, the internet is boring, and it all makes me dizzy. So I spend a lot of time just lying down with my eyes closed. Yay. My day is then broken up by showering (an hour long adventure that involves lying down afterwards), and attempts to eat. Seriously, a month ago I was working, running my etsy shop, hanging out with friends....sigh. Now I'm down 20 pounds and stuck in my house, too weak to really do anything.
This is not forever.
This is not forever.
This is not forever.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Colds and stomach viruses, and HG, OH MY
Having HG is like losing the lottery. Or getting called for the hunger games. Or something stupid like that. It sucks.
Now, imagine Effie called your name for whatever district you live in, you get on the train, and BAM! Stomach virus. And BAM! You get a cold. I mean, really....what are the odds? They'll just throw you in the arena anyway, even if you're coughing, sneezing, pooping, etc. You already know life sucks, and you can cope just fine with a cold or whatever the rest of the time, but really...REALLY? What are the odds?
Yes, I have spent the past week lying on the couch, wondering why we haven't developed human hibernation, and fighting off a stomach virus AND a cold, along with the HG. And trust me when I say that both of those illnesses make HG way way way worse.
So I spent Monday through Thursday on IVs (luckily the nurse only needed 2 tries this time), which means I was literally stuck on the couch...our bedroom is too small to maneuver the IV pole.
Can I just share how bizarre the whole IV-at-home situation is? They literally shove a needle in your arm, show you how to change the bag out, and PEACE, you're on your own. I mean, you can call and ask questions, but keeping yourself from dying of an air embolism, sepsis, etc....that's all on you. Oh, and removing the IV. That's on you, too. Let that sink in for a second. Yes, last night, in a fit of "my life sucks, EFF THIS", I got to remove my own IV. One handed. I'm a little badass. The first time I had to do this, I asked if there were other options. The phone nurse's reply: "well, your husband can do it." Yes, Jeff, the man who passed out on the doctor once during a skin biopsy, is coming nowhere near a catheter hanging out in my arm.
Oh, and my 2 year old hates the IV. He knows he has to be gentle, and it hurts mommy, and he's a little scared of the pole, but I know he misses close mommy snuggles. This morning when he joined me in bed (never thought I'd miss my bed so much!), He was SO excited and rubbed at my arm. I asked him if he liked me better without the IV, and he said "uh huh. OMMY." And followed it up with a giant hug. Be still my heart.
So that's where I stand. No one seems fazed by the fact that I unilaterally decided my IV hydration was over, and as long as I can keep down more than 32 ounces a day, I'm golden. We've raised my medication repeatedly. I can't breathe through my nose...I'm a mess, but still better than I was on Monday, when I would have willingly been admitted. Sigh.
Now, imagine Effie called your name for whatever district you live in, you get on the train, and BAM! Stomach virus. And BAM! You get a cold. I mean, really....what are the odds? They'll just throw you in the arena anyway, even if you're coughing, sneezing, pooping, etc. You already know life sucks, and you can cope just fine with a cold or whatever the rest of the time, but really...REALLY? What are the odds?
Yes, I have spent the past week lying on the couch, wondering why we haven't developed human hibernation, and fighting off a stomach virus AND a cold, along with the HG. And trust me when I say that both of those illnesses make HG way way way worse.
So I spent Monday through Thursday on IVs (luckily the nurse only needed 2 tries this time), which means I was literally stuck on the couch...our bedroom is too small to maneuver the IV pole.
Can I just share how bizarre the whole IV-at-home situation is? They literally shove a needle in your arm, show you how to change the bag out, and PEACE, you're on your own. I mean, you can call and ask questions, but keeping yourself from dying of an air embolism, sepsis, etc....that's all on you. Oh, and removing the IV. That's on you, too. Let that sink in for a second. Yes, last night, in a fit of "my life sucks, EFF THIS", I got to remove my own IV. One handed. I'm a little badass. The first time I had to do this, I asked if there were other options. The phone nurse's reply: "well, your husband can do it." Yes, Jeff, the man who passed out on the doctor once during a skin biopsy, is coming nowhere near a catheter hanging out in my arm.
Oh, and my 2 year old hates the IV. He knows he has to be gentle, and it hurts mommy, and he's a little scared of the pole, but I know he misses close mommy snuggles. This morning when he joined me in bed (never thought I'd miss my bed so much!), He was SO excited and rubbed at my arm. I asked him if he liked me better without the IV, and he said "uh huh. OMMY." And followed it up with a giant hug. Be still my heart.
So that's where I stand. No one seems fazed by the fact that I unilaterally decided my IV hydration was over, and as long as I can keep down more than 32 ounces a day, I'm golden. We've raised my medication repeatedly. I can't breathe through my nose...I'm a mess, but still better than I was on Monday, when I would have willingly been admitted. Sigh.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Breaks in the Clouds
Wednesday, I was driving to work. It was a cloud, dreary day, but the clouds were almost striped across the sky. In between the dark puffiness, there were moments of brilliant blue sky. As I drove, I would literally get to drive through stripes of rain, stripes of clouds, and a few bright moments of actual sunshine. Beautiful.
That got me thinking about this pregnancy. I wish, more than anything, I could enjoy pregnancy, be one with the Earth, etc. Mostly I just pray that September gets here quickly. But there are moments of sunshine, and those moments get me through.
Had one of those moments today. Between Dr's appointments (WHY do they need so much of my blood!?) and work, I stopped by home for a few minutes to rest and try to drink some fluids. And I felt really really really alone. Everyone around me is excited for my pregnancy. Everyone around me feels great. I feel a little bit like I'm being watched from afar...I get pity, but not many people have actually been here, and know what it's like to feel awful 24/7, alone and isolated.
Then it hit me. This is one of the few times in my life that I am never alone. I have a little person in there, surviving the same things I'm surviving. If he/she can make it through this, I can too. It's not going to be easy or pretty (although I prefer when I know what to expect and when to expect it!), but we'll make it through together. Just like Levi and I did.
So there's some moments of sunshine between the clouds. I just have to learn to embrace those moments.
That got me thinking about this pregnancy. I wish, more than anything, I could enjoy pregnancy, be one with the Earth, etc. Mostly I just pray that September gets here quickly. But there are moments of sunshine, and those moments get me through.
Had one of those moments today. Between Dr's appointments (WHY do they need so much of my blood!?) and work, I stopped by home for a few minutes to rest and try to drink some fluids. And I felt really really really alone. Everyone around me is excited for my pregnancy. Everyone around me feels great. I feel a little bit like I'm being watched from afar...I get pity, but not many people have actually been here, and know what it's like to feel awful 24/7, alone and isolated.
Then it hit me. This is one of the few times in my life that I am never alone. I have a little person in there, surviving the same things I'm surviving. If he/she can make it through this, I can too. It's not going to be easy or pretty (although I prefer when I know what to expect and when to expect it!), but we'll make it through together. Just like Levi and I did.
So there's some moments of sunshine between the clouds. I just have to learn to embrace those moments.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Small Victories
Hyperemesis means that "success" is redefined.
Before my first pregnancy, I assumed that "success" in early pregnancy meant making it through work, not killing your husband, and getting a nap every once in awhile.
Thanks to HG, success currently looks like....
~Keeping my ketones down! Yay! I am no longer digesting myself!
~Keeping my weight stable
~Keeping down more than 32 ounces of liquid a day (the point at which I have to go back on home IVs)
~Successfully changing my infusion site daily
~Keeping down bland, carb-laden food
~Pooping. Thanks, Zofran constipation!
~Possibly making it through a few days of work
So keep me in your prayers as I go back to work tomorrow!
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Zofran pump: Yes, I get to stick needles in myself...
I got all set up with home healthcare yesterday. This means a nurse comes to my house and gives me IVs as needed, and taught me to use my Zofran Pump.
The first two bags of IV fluids went well. The third wouldn't go through, and it turned out my arm had clotted off the IV. So a nurse came BACK again today to try to re-start it. After trying in 3 different areas, all with no luck (and lots of bruises), I told her just to give up. The poking around was actually making me more nauseous. I'm keeping liquids down, so maybe I can stay hydrated enough. Hopefully. If not, maybe my veins will be better tomorrow. Sigh. And now the doctors office is mad at me for "refusing treatment", and I get to go in and be lectured tomorrow.
Aside from that, the pump is great! I've been keeping everything down (and by everything, I mean lemonade, lime sherbet, and frozen waffles). I even changed out the injection site myself, so I'm pretty proud. I have a serious needle phobia, so the ability to stick myself is a big deal!
I have to go into work for a few hours tomorrow....wish me luck.
The first two bags of IV fluids went well. The third wouldn't go through, and it turned out my arm had clotted off the IV. So a nurse came BACK again today to try to re-start it. After trying in 3 different areas, all with no luck (and lots of bruises), I told her just to give up. The poking around was actually making me more nauseous. I'm keeping liquids down, so maybe I can stay hydrated enough. Hopefully. If not, maybe my veins will be better tomorrow. Sigh. And now the doctors office is mad at me for "refusing treatment", and I get to go in and be lectured tomorrow.
Aside from that, the pump is great! I've been keeping everything down (and by everything, I mean lemonade, lime sherbet, and frozen waffles). I even changed out the injection site myself, so I'm pretty proud. I have a serious needle phobia, so the ability to stick myself is a big deal!
I have to go into work for a few hours tomorrow....wish me luck.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
That time I got a pity ultrasound...
Today, I got a pity ultrasound.
After a morning of taking tiny sips of water, and immediately throwing them up, all while entertaining a toddler from the floor of the bathroom, I had my follow up with my OB. And was promptly sent back to the ER for more fluids.
Before I left, however, she looked at me with pity in her eyes and said those glorious words: "I feel like if you're here this frequently, we should at least get a peek at the baby!"
I've never been so happy in my life to see the jumbo probe covers that accompany a 1st trimester ultrasound. And there was my little bean! Heartbeat of 120, bouncing around happily! I'll post a picture tomorrow so we can do the whole Ramzi thing. Other weird stuff: this baby also came from my right ovary, just like Levi!
Then it was on to the ER...where the nurses recognized me, apologized for the giant bruise on my left arm, and promised to be kinder this time.
Another Alleluia: I am approved for home health care! They're sending people to my house to give me IVs and a Zofran pump! Hopefully this means I'll be back to (limited) work next week. She said I wouldn't be 100% (not that I expect that), but I should be 50% better than where I am. A miracle, if you ask me.
My biggest fear now: sticking needles in myself. No longer do I need a Xanax to get a shot, but I still do not LIKE needles, let alone sticking them into myself. So pray for me for that!
After a morning of taking tiny sips of water, and immediately throwing them up, all while entertaining a toddler from the floor of the bathroom, I had my follow up with my OB. And was promptly sent back to the ER for more fluids.
Before I left, however, she looked at me with pity in her eyes and said those glorious words: "I feel like if you're here this frequently, we should at least get a peek at the baby!"
I've never been so happy in my life to see the jumbo probe covers that accompany a 1st trimester ultrasound. And there was my little bean! Heartbeat of 120, bouncing around happily! I'll post a picture tomorrow so we can do the whole Ramzi thing. Other weird stuff: this baby also came from my right ovary, just like Levi!
Then it was on to the ER...where the nurses recognized me, apologized for the giant bruise on my left arm, and promised to be kinder this time.
Another Alleluia: I am approved for home health care! They're sending people to my house to give me IVs and a Zofran pump! Hopefully this means I'll be back to (limited) work next week. She said I wouldn't be 100% (not that I expect that), but I should be 50% better than where I am. A miracle, if you ask me.
My biggest fear now: sticking needles in myself. No longer do I need a Xanax to get a shot, but I still do not LIKE needles, let alone sticking them into myself. So pray for me for that!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
It's Baaaa-aack... (The Hyperemesis, that is)
Today I announced to the world that I'm 6 weeks pregnant.
Those close to me all asked the same follow up question: "How are you feeling?!"
For me, this question is far more loaded, and contains far more subtext...beyond queasiness, beyond tiredness, beyond the growing pains of pregnancy. This question means "is your hyperemesis back!?"
The short answer: yes.
The long answer: yes, but managed far, far better than last time.
I went into this pregnancy on a special diet (high protein, extra vitamin b6), extra medical treatment (chiropractic care, pre-conception doctors meetings), and a wing and a prayer. With my Levi-pregnancy, I started feeling sick at 4.5 weeks. So early that I thought it was all in my head. This time, I made it a whole extra week.
This puts us at Tuesday the 15th. Actually, the nausea started Monday the 14th, but I chalked it up to the fact that I got stuck at work longer than anticipated, and was STARVING when I got home. Then, Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling awful. The few sips of gatorade I managed came right back up. Things were smelling weird, and I was grossed out by even my favorite foods. Luckily, it took a quick phone call to the doctor, a hurried visit (2-year-old in tow), and a Zofran prescription to at least get me to the point where I was keeping water down. Whew, right?
Well, Wednesday I stumbled through work, kept a few things down, and fell into bed. Thursday was worse...it was Levi's birthday, and there I was, dry heaving in the parking lot of Choo Choo Johnny's.
Sidenote: My toddler thinks this is hilarious. He stands in the doorway and giggles when I vomit. He makes gagging sounds when I do. When I was in the ER Friday, he pressed the "Y for Yak" button repeatedly as I was checking in. He's a peach, really. It really made his birthday special that he had a "meal on train wheels" AND a barfing Mommy.
Friday morning, I woke up and felt like I was having a panic attack. Realized that my heartbeat was super fast (heartrate in bed: over 100), and called the doc back...and was promptly sent to the ER. Last time I had HG (My HG story), I fought tooth and nail to avoid the ER. I have a HUGE needle phobia, hate anything medical, and worry about the cost. But, in a clear, non-HG moment, I promised myself that I would get fluids if needed this time.
Let me tell you, it was the best. After the first bag, I was still panicky, heart rate was crazy, and my blood pressure was like 100/52. The doctor had the "there's a crying pregnant woman" look in his eyes, and I was promptly hooked up to bag #2. At this point, Little Guy went home to sleep, and I got fluids, more IV Zofran, and Anderson Cooper, uninterrupted. Heaven. I felt a million times better.
Today I've been fine on the Zofran, kept food down (melons and mashed potatoes), and had enough energy to throw my little man a birthday party. We also told all the relatives and friends with this shirt:
Those close to me all asked the same follow up question: "How are you feeling?!"
For me, this question is far more loaded, and contains far more subtext...beyond queasiness, beyond tiredness, beyond the growing pains of pregnancy. This question means "is your hyperemesis back!?"
The short answer: yes.
The long answer: yes, but managed far, far better than last time.
I went into this pregnancy on a special diet (high protein, extra vitamin b6), extra medical treatment (chiropractic care, pre-conception doctors meetings), and a wing and a prayer. With my Levi-pregnancy, I started feeling sick at 4.5 weeks. So early that I thought it was all in my head. This time, I made it a whole extra week.
This puts us at Tuesday the 15th. Actually, the nausea started Monday the 14th, but I chalked it up to the fact that I got stuck at work longer than anticipated, and was STARVING when I got home. Then, Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling awful. The few sips of gatorade I managed came right back up. Things were smelling weird, and I was grossed out by even my favorite foods. Luckily, it took a quick phone call to the doctor, a hurried visit (2-year-old in tow), and a Zofran prescription to at least get me to the point where I was keeping water down. Whew, right?
Well, Wednesday I stumbled through work, kept a few things down, and fell into bed. Thursday was worse...it was Levi's birthday, and there I was, dry heaving in the parking lot of Choo Choo Johnny's.
Sidenote: My toddler thinks this is hilarious. He stands in the doorway and giggles when I vomit. He makes gagging sounds when I do. When I was in the ER Friday, he pressed the "Y for Yak" button repeatedly as I was checking in. He's a peach, really. It really made his birthday special that he had a "meal on train wheels" AND a barfing Mommy.
Friday morning, I woke up and felt like I was having a panic attack. Realized that my heartbeat was super fast (heartrate in bed: over 100), and called the doc back...and was promptly sent to the ER. Last time I had HG (My HG story), I fought tooth and nail to avoid the ER. I have a HUGE needle phobia, hate anything medical, and worry about the cost. But, in a clear, non-HG moment, I promised myself that I would get fluids if needed this time.
Let me tell you, it was the best. After the first bag, I was still panicky, heart rate was crazy, and my blood pressure was like 100/52. The doctor had the "there's a crying pregnant woman" look in his eyes, and I was promptly hooked up to bag #2. At this point, Little Guy went home to sleep, and I got fluids, more IV Zofran, and Anderson Cooper, uninterrupted. Heaven. I felt a million times better.
Today I've been fine on the Zofran, kept food down (melons and mashed potatoes), and had enough energy to throw my little man a birthday party. We also told all the relatives and friends with this shirt:
He wouldn't hold still long enough to get a picture!
So I will keep the internet-world updated. Hopefully my life won't involve any more IVs (or punctured veins...I currently look like a heroin addict), and hopefully this little person will be nicer to me than Levi was!
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